Ever have one of those days where nothing seems to be going your way? Every task you do becomes difficult, everything frustrates you, and you can’t perform at your peak. Grace Mills is addressing exactly this today. In this special episode, she’ll discuss how to deal with these types of days and provide frameworks you can use to get yourself out of a funk and back to peak performance.
If you’d like to have Grace help you with not only your mentality but to acquire more deals through a powerful, proven channel consider applying to REI Radio. We’re running a very special 4th of July discount until July 7th, so don’t miss out.
How To Fix Your Mentality – Frameworks To Shift Your Mental State
This conversation is a little different than what we usually would dive into. I want to share my personal experience with something that I find myself encouraging everybody else to follow. I cannot seem to follow my own advice. I did not feel like an expert by any means. I could not formulate a sentence. I could not get anything to cooperate with me, and did it send me mentally down in a completely different direction. That is mindset and frame of mind.
To talk about my day in general, I’m going to share this with you as you’re out there reading. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in having it all together or at least wanting to have the appearance of keeping everything neat, tidy and put together. I’m sure as you’re listening to podcasts and you’re hearing from all these experts and the guests on their podcasts, you are hearing about people or just in your circle or even in life, on social media, at your workplace, or in your sphere of influence. You hear about all these people and what they’re doing for their business and how things are working for them.
It’s super easy to get caught up in that and start going, “Everything for them is going so well,” and you almost beat yourself down about why something isn’t working for you or why it hasn’t got to that point for you yet. You’re overwhelmed like, “All these things are working so well for everyone else and their business,” but that’s not the case. I’ll be the first expert to tell you that I have days when I can’t form a sentence. Being articulate and sounding like I know what I’m talking about goes out of the window. My words get completely jumbled. I get my foot stuck in my mouth. I sound like I’m chasing dead air. I can say “ah” about 10,000 times in one breath while I’m trying to get to the same point.
I’m grabbing at straws or anything to make sense of what’s going on. I have one of those days where I woke up with a plan and I had an idea. I was like, “Here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s the time that I’m going to get started. Once I get everything, get the house situated, and calm the dog down, I’m going to hop back onto my computer. I’m going to get some videos done. I’m going to sit down and get this and that project done. Here’s what time I’m going to be done by it.” You couldn’t tell me that those things were not going to get checked off my day the way that I wanted to. I wake up and I’m going to get this done. This is how it’s going to be.”
Life has its own idea and was like, “Sure.” It threw me many curve balls. Many things happen in one day that I failed at taking my advice. I’m encouraging everyone else to watch your mindset. You got to be careful with your thoughts and your attitudes towards things because if you’re not careful, all those negative thoughts will start to compound. Before you know it, you’re going to throw in the towel and quit.” That was me. I did not take my own advice now.
I went to dive in and get started on something. I had a meeting. It’s something simplistic. Hindsight is 20/20 and now I’m looking at it, it was something so simple that I could not get myself mentally out of a hole. I went to hop on a Zoom meeting and every attempt failed. I can’t get into the meeting. Once I got into the meeting, I’m late. The internet is acting up. It starts to lag. The video starts to drag and everyone on the call is like, “I can’t hear you. You’re lagging. Are you there? You froze,” every ten seconds.
The initial frustration of starting something not on time, starting something with a ton of internet issues that no matter how many times I tried to play with it, it would not cooperate, on top of everyone else seeming to participate and pointing out what a terrible day I thought I was already having. It just compounded. I leave that Zoom meeting. I had two other tasks that I’m trying to do and everything literally failed. I went into the next task and it crumbled. I went into another task, the internet was acting up again. I’m having audio issues, then I realized my battery had been dying. I can’t locate the charger that I know I saw ten minutes before. When I suddenly needed the charger, it was nowhere to be found. Halfway through my task, the frustration was starting to compound.
I got about to the fourth thing on my day that I was supposed to do. Now I’m three tasks in on and nothing is going the way that I wanted to. I got to the fourth task and that failed and crumbled. Nothing worked there. I’m going, “What is happening today? Nothing is working. Everything crumbled. Everything decided to quit on me all at the same time. If I could have, I would have pulled every single hair off of the top of my head.” That’s how frustrated I got so quickly and how quickly it started to compound one thing after another.
You’re not in control of time, but you are in control of how you act and react to everything that is going on around you.
The mistake I made was going into another task mentally knowing I was beaten up from the previous task. I would go, “I still can’t believe I ran late for that zoom meeting,” and I’m on task two. It’s like, “What does task 1 have to do with task 2? I ran late to the first Zoom meeting. What does that have to do with the second item?” At the moment, it’s hard to catch my frame of mind. I’m going into the third task and I’m still going in the back of my head, subconsciously thinking about everyone who was participating and pointing out all the problems I was already having, then here came task number two which failed. Now, I’m on task number three and this isn’t actually working. I was getting to a forum and I’m ready to quit. I’m tired of today.
The sun was still up. In reality, the day was still very young. There was still a lot of time to make up for something, but not for those four tasks in a row. I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I am as optimistic as a person as I tend to be. It was not today. It was not an optimistic grace day. I don’t know why my internet dislikes me. I’m not sure why my chargers keep going missing, and somewhere in between there, I got hangry. I was hungry and angry. I was super hangry. I’m like, “What is going on? Nothing is cooperating.” I had to catch myself. I was like, “The sun is up. The day is young. Let me take a breather and pull back.”
That’s what I wanted to talk with you about. I know I was just talking about my day and the beat-ups that I was dealing with. I almost quit and threw in the towel. I wanted to talk with you about all the things that I have learned and that I’m always constantly learning about mindset. Hopefully, that’s of value to you if you find yourself in the same boat. You spend your day taking care of everyone else and making sure everything else is taken care of. One moment you’re like, “I’m taking a moment for myself. I am shutting off. I’m blacking out y calendar. I’m turning my phone on silent or do not disturb for the next 3 or 4 hours,” so you can get some tasks done for yourself. I’m sure you’re nodding your head like you’ve been there. You definitely understand.
You know how lonely and how isolating that can be, and also how dangerous that can be for your mindset as well if you’re not able to pick yourself up. Realize what’s going on and then adjust your mindset, so you can keep going through the actual day. I wanted to share what I’ve been learning. If I’m being honest with you, I’m by no means an expert on mindset. If there’s one thing that I’m constantly learning, it is me. I’m constantly learning something new about myself. I’m learning new ways to interact, react, pivot and adjust.
I’m constantly learning about myself. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m perfectly comfortable. Even if it sounds uncomfortable saying, I’m still learning myself mentally and my ways of being able to bounce in and out of different various tasks because I don’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay. I’m giving myself permission to say, “I don’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay.” It is also free in itself. It alleviates a lot of pressure like, “I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not an expert. Maybe now I don’t sound super articulate or my thoughts aren’t coming out as clearly. I’m not able to truly communicate what I’m trying to get across as clearly as possible.” It’s no big deal.
I had to catch myself to go, “I’m going to give myself permission to say I’m not having a great day, but the day is not over.” These tasks frustrated me. I felt like my internet was Mike Tyson and I was in a ring and I’m not winning right now. My internet gave me no breaks or no days off. My internet was like, “No, it’s not going to happen. Today is not the day where I’m going to cooperate with you.” What I have to catch myself as I like to pull back when I get overwhelmed. I don’t know if this is any help to you, but I want to share maybe some things that you can try as you’re dealing with some of those frustrations before it festers, or it starts to manifest itself and get deeply rooted into a negative mindset, and then affects the rest of your day.
If there’s any way that I can help you to navigate that, for me, a big thing is being able to pull back. I give myself permission to admit that I’m not good or that I’m not an expert at something. Secondly, I can only control what’s in my control. If that’s the case, then I need to pull back. I need a breather. I have to take a break. There is no way that I can be good at something or complete a task or complete it as successfully as possible if I’m already mentally beat down. If I’m tired, annoyed, agitated or frustrated, whatever task that I needed to jump into, the results will end up showing the mindset I approached it with because I’m not able to approach it with any clarity.
If I’m not able to approach it with any clarity, I’m going to start making decisions that I don’t need to make because I’m doing it from a frustrated place. I’m going to start trying to rush through something to catch up on time that I feel like I lost. That entitlement of thinking that you’re going to control time as something else. Father time never fails at reminding you that you’re not in control of time, but you are in control of how you act and react to everything that is going on around you.
Stay married to your mission, not to the method.
There’s a book out there and I believe that this stat is accurate as well that it’s 80% mindset and 20% skill. You do not have to be an expert, well-spoken, the smoothest talker in the world, or the best negotiator in the world to be successful or to make a major difference in your personal life or even your professional life, not by any means at all. The person who has the ability to keep their mindset in control, that is maybe giving yourself permission to go, “I admit I don’t have this altogether, but the day is still young. I’m still committed to that.” Being able to commit your mind to something, you have the ability to compete with those that you might think are a little bit more skilled than you are.
Because they have the skill, that doesn’t mean that they have the mindset to commit. Therefore, the persistence or even the resiliency to keep pushing past those mishaps, because it’s very easy to do so. You think because you’re super skilled at one thing or you thought you were an expert in this field, that means everything is going to go smoothly every single day. That is not the case. Sometimes those very skilled people can call it quits as well. I did it now.
Don’t sit there and go, “I’m lacking skills and maybe I’m not a great negotiator. I’m not the smoothest talker. I’m not the greatest communicator.” You may stumble with your words. That’s totally fine. If your mindset is committed to that actual task and you can say, “I’m going to see this thing through and get this thing achieved.” I’ve had a mentor say this to me once. It’s that, “You stay married to your mission, not to the method.”
I’m going to use the internet as an example. The end goal for me was I needed to sit down and record some videos. I’m like, “I’m going to sit still and get some videos recorded.” The mission by the end of the day is to get the videos recorded. What frustrated me was that the method I initially approached it with didn’t work. Without realizing it, I let that one method or that one attempt and therefore failed, and only tried it one time and tried it one way. I let that disturb the rest of my thoughts for a good half of my day before I was able to check my stuff there.
If you allow yourself to say, “I’m marrying to the mission. The end goal is this thing. How I get there is how I get there.” For my internet, once I checked myself, I’m like, “I need to get videos recorded, but if my Wi-Fi and my laptop aren’t working, it’s no big deal. I’ll go to my closet.” I don’t know if you guys have one of these, but I literally have a closet full of electric cords and chargers. They are tangled and mangled together. It’s like, “I know I have a cord in here somewhere.” I’m going to find my ethernet cord. If the Wi-Fi has sacked up, as I’m using my laptop, I’ll just connect my ethernet cord to my modem.
If the ethernet cord and the Wi-Fi both want to be a jerk, it’s no big deal. I’ve got a mobile hotspot that I can use on my phone. Otherwise, I can go back over to my actual modem and router, and simply reset them. It could be that my internet is acting up because my modem and router feel like they’re getting a beat down for the day as well and they just need a breather. Maybe they need a break. Pull it out from the actual outlet and let it breathe for about fifteen seconds, click reset, and then try it all over again, or dive over to my mobile hotspot. If the mobile hotspot and my laptop are not getting along, then I’ll simply pull up the camera on my phone and my Wi-Fi, and record my videos from there.
I’ve got a lot of things accomplished in a much smoother way with less frustration had I reminded myself to be married to the mission or the end goal of getting the videos recorded, but not necessarily getting tripped up on the method in how I reached it. When I failed at the initial attempt and the first method that I thought was supposed to work well, it frustrated me beyond measures to go, “Why is this not working?” I tried it one way. There are many ways to skin a cat. Your willingness to commit to something and stay married to that end goal and pivot on method can make a heck of a lot of a difference.
For that mentor saying that, it was something that seems so obvious, but it’s not until you’re in the thick of things that you’re like, “This is exactly what I need to be focused on.” Especially as you’re building a business or wherever you are professionally, it can feel lonely. It’s very easy to get isolated and to start to feel like not only do you have these frustrations but who exactly can you even share it with? Who can even remotely relate to what you’re going through?
80% mindset, 20% skill. You do not have to be an expert on something. You just have to be willing to commit to it.
Here’s why I will definitely tell you that having a mentor or having at least access to some associations or some group with like-minded people going through something similar to you makes a big difference. You have that piece or that mindset that you want to stay in control of the way you act and react to things, but it’s another game-changer when you can get yourself into either a mentor or some sort of association that is going through something similar to you.
For all of you here, if you’re not already, we have a Facebook group for the actual Rhino Tribe. Go to the Wholesaling Inc Facebook group. Feel free to join. It’s free. It’s like-minded people from all walks of life, no matter where they’re at in their life personally or professionally. You at least are surrounded by people that have an understanding of what you’re getting yourself into and what you’re experiencing. Once you’re ready, go ahead and move yourself into an actual coaching program. You get a deeper group or an association of people who understand it a little bit further, plus getting access to some of the information maybe you were missing to change up your business or pivot where you needed to in your business to get to the next stage.
I wanted to hop on here and share with you guys that by no means does everyone that you’re hearing is doing well. They have days where it’s not. They have weeks or months where business isn’t great or technologies aren’t super-friendly or one thing or another happens in terms of life and it doesn’t go their way. Don’t get caught up in thinking that whatever you’re experiencing right now, that it’s not possible for you to achieve the same thing. 80% mindset and 20% skill. You do not have to be an expert or super great at something. You just have to be willing to commit to it.
Once you commit to it, be willing to every once in a while check yourself and go, “I need to pull back. I need to switch something up here.” Be willing to pivot on method in order to still get to that same end goal. If you can, surround yourself with some like-minded people, so it doesn’t start to feel isolated and you don’t end up in a situation where they’ll start to get super darker or super deep too quickly, and it starts to manifest itself and you have a much harder time trying to pull yourself out of a hole. You’re looking at your current sphere of influence and there’s no one there for you to relate to up in there.
I would be nowhere without my mentors. I’m a product of committing to a certain end goal and great mentorship. My mentors or at least access to people who understood where I was trying to go and can see me objectively and understand what I was trying to get achieved made a heck of a difference. If that is the case for you, I highly recommend doing that. Facebook groups are one of the best ways to do this. It’s free. There are many different types of Facebook groups out there, including the one for Wholesaling Inc as well. That is something I wanted to hop on and talk with you, guys, and share. If there’s any way for us to provide value to you guys out there and the Rhino Family, we always like to hop on a show and be able to do so. We will definitely check you on the next show as well.
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About Grace Mills
Grace Mills is the coach of REI Radio. She has worked side by side with Chris Arnold during the initial program roll out, coaching & fulfilling student needs. For almost 8 years she’s managed and directed all marketing channels and split tested every element of Radio to help investors set up Radio in any market they choose. She has worked with investors & agents all over the United States and has helped many investors make thousands of dollars using Radio.