Posted on: May 13, 2020
WI 426 | Secret Sauce To Win

 

With all the worries, confusion, and anxiety brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, the need for you to effectively bring your best self and rise to the occasion has never been more important.

Now, more than ever, you as a business owner should be able to provide a clear sense of clarity and hope and be able to effectively bring your team together. To do that, there is one thing you need to master—YOU! To help you achieve some level of mastery over yourself, our very own Chris Arnold talked to his personal leadership coach, Terry Walling.

Terry has a resume that’s nothing less than awe-inspiring. Terry has 30 plus years of coaching experience under his belt. He is also the founder of Leader Breakthru, a coaching and training ministry/organization that helps leaders who are called to make a difference in their missional ministries, local churches, and the marketplace.

If you want to have a greater mastery over yourself and a better understanding of your destiny and what you are called to do as a leader and as a person, this episode is for you!

Mastering YOU – The Secret Sauce You Need To Win!

Episode Transcription

As a reminder, if I can do this, so can you. I am excited about our guests. We talk a lot about real estate on tactics and strategies, but we are going to hit on the topic that matters most, and that is leadership because everything rises and falls on leadership. Companies do not fall apart for lack of strategy. They usually implode because the leader implodes. My guest is my personal leadership coach. I have been working with Terry Walling and I am excited to bring him on because he has impacted my life. I was like, “Terry, we got to take what you have taught me over several months that we are working one-on-one.” This message is so important. Terry Walling, welcome to the show. 

It’s good to be with you, Chris Arnold. It has been my joy to walk alongside you, watch the incredible things that are happening to you, and also help you continue to move into your unique and ultimate contribution.

Let’s get a little background. People are like, “Who is Terry Walling?” First of all, tell us how long you have been in the game of coaching, maybe a couple of books you have published and more importantly, I love your personal life mandate, your mission statement or your purpose statement.

I have been in the game for many years. I was in coaching before coaching was cool. I have been alongside individuals to try to help them maximize their performance to move beyond where they think they are into where they have been designed to be as an individual and someone who contributes as a whole to society, especially for those in the entrepreneurial type of work. That is what I have been doing for many years. I have been trained in the area of leadership development. A lot of people, when they hear the word leadership development, they think of recruiting and more leaders.

I think about what is going on in the leader in order to help stimulate what could go on through that leader in the area of leadership development where I have got my Doctorate. Along the way, I found that some key concepts can unlock someone to go into a greater sense of understanding of their sense of destiny, why they are on this planet and what it is that they have been wired to do and to be. Along the way, I found some key elements that help that. One of the big ones is the idea of transitions. I wrote a book called Stuck! that talked about this in-between period of time. Some of the most incredible moments in our lives are the moments when we are in between where we are and where we are headed. That is called the transition.

The difference between the leader and the follower is perspective.

A lot of people would say, “That is something I want to get out of.” What you are saying is that it is a highly valuable place to be if you have the right perspective around it.

Also, the difference between the leaders’ and the followers’ perspectives. Having a perspective on your company is one thing, and having a perspective on your development is another. Both are essential to move into what you are designed to do and to be. Part of my work is to come alongside, not to invent your future, but to help you discover your future. Here is what I have discovered. Whatever somebody discovers, they own. Whatever they are told, they resist. One of the key reasons I am into coaching is to help people better take responsibility for who they are and where they are headed in the future, to discover the unique things that have happened in their life to help them move into the destiny of their life.

I am ready to unpack this. I know the audience wants to get into the meat, but right before we do that, can you give your personal mandate, which sums up what you do? What is your personal mandate?

I resource and coach breakthroughs in the lives of risk-taking kingdom leaders. In particular, I resource and coach breakthroughs in those people who are part of your audience who are wanting, willing and desiring to get out on edge and take a risk. Those people sometimes do not get the help they need and they are the very ones we need to keep moving into their groundbreaking work. If you are out there on a ledge, taking a risk and trying to do something new, I am there with you. I want to try to be a coach to help those people succeed and move forward.

That is a super cool personal life mandate. If you are reading, how would you like the ability when someone asks you the question, “What do you do? What is your purpose?” to be able to say it with such simplicity, with such clarity and with such passion behind it? Your ability to get to a place where you can articulate your entire life like that is a game-changer. That is what Terry helps us get to as leaders. Let’s get to the meat if you are ready. We are going to hit on three things around leadership that all of us need to understand. These are the things that you have taught us. Let’s start with number one. First of all, a foundational groundwork understanding of leadership. What do we need to understand about leadership 101?

WI 426 | Secret Sauce To Win

Secret Sauce To Win: Convergence is a period of time when it all starts to come together, and who you are meets what you do.

 

The first major shift we got to make is that leadership is influenced by position. A lot of times, we have been taught that if you have a position, you have the influence. That works against us because then we get trapped into these pictures or these packages of what it is we should be. We need to first clean the slate and say leadership is influence. With that, what we mean is that influence is being shaped over a lifetime. It is being shaped by a series of events, people and circumstances we encounter all the time. Understanding what is happening to us as we try to execute leadership for others is essential if we are going to understand our unique contribution and our legacy.

Number one, leadership is influence and influence is shaped over a lifetime. Getting a big picture view of your life, stepping back sometimes, and looking at the totality of life gives you insights into where you are headed in the future journey of your life. Leadership development, at its core, is about influence. We pick up a position to execute influence. We create the jobs, the titles and the things we are to execute our influence.

The magic titles or the things we call ourselves do not give us the influence. What gives us influence is the things that have been shaped inside of us and us executing according to those, being a self-defined leader and executing a non-anxious presence. I wish I would have wrote that. That comes from a guy named Edwin Friedman, The Failure of Nerve. It is an incredible book. He talks about understanding who you are, who you are not, being okay with that, and beginning to understand more how you were able to be you over your lifetime. Not be who you think you should be, not be who the culture wants you to be, but be and execute life out of your unique shaping over your lifetime.

I get this philosophically. Leadership is not about title and position. It is about influence. Here is the question we are all asking. Can you define influence? What does influence mean? That word is thrown around a lot. We have social media influencers. How do you define an influencer from the perspective of what you are talking about?

An influencer has the ability to help primarily another person understand and move into what is next in their journey. What I am talking about is you are a person of influence, not if you can just sell a product. You are a person of influence if you can link that product to that person’s need and help them realize it is key to help them move forward as an individual.

Whatever somebody discovers, they own. Whatever they’re told, they resist.

When we say leadership’s influence, we are talking about creating an environment where you help others understand their purpose and move in a greater way toward that and into that into the future. Influence is then not something that we are selling. Influence is something we are helping individuals discover. They discover the need for what we have and then they pick up the things we are selling or the resources to help them move into that need.

Here is what I like about what you are saying because your definition of influence is not self-serving. It is selfless. A lot of people, particularly in some of the influencing world, all feel and can tell that that influence is driving personal ambition. “I am influencing you to feed something that I need,” versus your perspective is that, “Influence is not for me. Influence is for the betterment of those that I am leading and their eyes are following me.”

Those that are built around self-serving, people can spot it. They can see it and they do not want it. If they know that you are just building your kingdom, they do not want any part of it. They may nibble and bite but if they know you are in it for them and if they become convinced that what is being transacted is not your newest, your latest and your greatest, but what is being transacted through your relationship with them is something that helps advance them, they are in.

They begin to understand the need for why they need an ongoing relationship with you. One of the keys to influence is not that you are able to sell a product. One of the keys to influence is that you are able to transact the relationship and build the trust bridge. Those are the people that end up coming back to you because they know you are in it for them, not for you.

This is for Wholesaling Inc. The reason I joined is when I got to know Tom Krol, Cody Hofhine, Brent Daniels, and now Lauren Hardy, I realized quickly that they had built this thing for the betterment of everyone around them. It oozes out of the Wholesaling Inc. culture from a leadership perspective. When you sit down with Tom, it is the student first. It is about moving the student down the field, whatever it takes. I believe that is why the Wholesaling Inc. community has become so powerful because that influence is focused on giving, not taking. What you are saying is powerful. Let’s go to number two. There are stages of influence. Help us understand what these stages look like throughout the leader’s journey.

WI 426 | Secret Sauce To Win

Secret Sauce To Win: You give what you have, and you teach others to do it better than you, which gives you that sense of fulfillment and purpose.

 

If you buy our foundation and our premise and you say, “I am in,” it is a lifetime. It is not just the current thing I am facing but it is a lifetime.” You go big picture. You see three major stages. There are three major development stages en route to this thing called legacy. Something you will leave behind that will outlive yourself. The first one is calling the idea of mission and clarifying the direction of your life. Where are you headed? What is it that is important? Calling has been confused. Calling is simply understanding direction and values. Where am I headed in my life and what is most important?

What a lot of people do know is they leave it there. What happens is they end up plateauing. They end up starting an organization then that they got to keep sustaining. They end up getting themselves lost in the midst of all of the complexities of things. What they don’t understand is there is a mid-stage. The mid-stage is something called contribution. A contribution has to do with two major things: your major role, which is clarity on what you do, and something called your effective methods, which is clarity on how you do it.

In other words, when you walk into a room, a meeting or a situation, what is it that you contribute to that place? Do you understand what that is? It is almost like a head-tail issue on a coin. On the flip side of it, do you understand how you do that? That is called contribution, and because most individuals plateau and arrest in their development, instead of moving forward, what happens is contribution gets lost in complexity. Somewhere in the mid-game, usually 40s, 50s even early 60s, you got to step back and say, “Of all the things I could do, what should I do?”

Now, here is the golden contribution. In contributions, it is how do I say no so I can say yes? What is my decision-making grit? You liked my statement, “I resource and coach breakthrough in the lives of risk-taking leaders.” You liked that. I liked that. It took me a while to get that. It rolls off my tongue because it is the very thing I use to decide the things I am not going to do and help me decide the things I must do. That is mid-game. That is contribution. The critical thing in the mid-game is choices. You are not going to get to the end and have a legacy if you do not make choices. That is why you need decision-making grit.

That takes us to the third stage, which is convergence. Convergence is that moment, “For this, I was born.” You have mini-convergences along the way, but the bottom line is convergence is a period of time when it all starts to come together. It is who you meet what you do, and all of a sudden, you realize, “This is it. I found it. I am going to do it and I am going to understand it to the point so I can give it to others.” That is why you need a contribution. As you have that mentality, you are able to live a life that lives beyond your life.

Leadership is influence, and influence is shaped over a lifetime.

You give what you have and you teach others to do it better than you, which gives you that sense of fulfillment and purpose. Not that you did it, but now they are able to do it. Now you have a sense of destiny in your life. One of the things I say is it does not prove anything that you can do it. We spend most of our life trying to prove we can do it. The bottom line is, can they do it and can they do it better? That’s where fulfillment comes in and that sense of sitting back and saying, “This life was worth living and I had a shot to live it.”

There is a lot of meat on that bone. Let’s unpack this a little bit because it is powerful. As we are saying, stage number one is calling. That is me saying yes to a direction. If you are reading, you might go, “I feel called to be an entrepreneur or a real estate investor.” You might have the reasons you want behind that, but you are saying yes to this thing. “I am going to go for it,” and that is a direction. That is a vague thing but at least you are moving toward a particular destination.

It gets you when I say on the road or on the path. Even if you are in one job right now and you know it is real estate, all of a sudden, it lifts your eyes and you start walking down that road.

Some people are in that stage right now of saying yes to the calling or have been saying yes to the calling for a while. As we are saying that, you are like, “That is me.” You go into stage two, which is contribution. That is me beginning to refine what specifically I need to do. Rather than going and saying yes to this direction. Now, I begin to niche down and say no to all the things that might take me away from my essential focus. An example might be is now I am in real estate. I am going to say no. Here is the biggest problem. All the other shiny objects out there and all of these things are pulling on my attention because there are some things that I want to do or can do, but now I got to focus on what I need to do.

You nailed it right there. I can do those things. I am saying no to good in order to say yes to best. That is critical because that requires choices. You may have to walk away from a deal in order to see the opportunity for many more deals, but more down the track that is tied to your unique contribution. There are a lot of dead ends in the mid-game.

WI 426 | Secret Sauce To Win

Secret Sauce To Win: You get to the next chapter with what you need if you navigate the transition.

 

Finally is convergence. That is where all of your experiences, all your gifts, and all of your talents come together, and you have your ultimate contribution. That is where you are truly in your genius zone. It is your unique ability.

Here is the interesting thing. At that point, you are the resource, not all the goodies you offer. You are in your sweet spot. You are not trying anymore. It is just happening but here is the key grit. It happened because you made earlier choices to get to that point. That is why some individuals start well and do not finish well because they do not have the courage in the mid-game to make the choices necessary to move from what they can do to what they must do.

Let’s bring up this last point. We talked about and defined what leadership is. We now have a framework to look at our life from a leadership perspective, the 3-mile markers. Let’s talk about these things called transitions. Let’s bring it home. What is this?

Let me give you this easy definition. Transition is you do not quite know where you are going, but you know you cannot go back to where you have been. If you were in that state or in that moment, that is called a transition. We are not talking about vocational transitions here. We are talking about development transitions and you understand something new is occurring. Here is the problem with transitions. They are not a bad weekend or a terrible sales meeting or a one-off thing. They take some time.

Your readers are going to love the fact when I tell you that transitions can go three months, even three years. They are in an in-between period of time. The purpose of those is threefold. 1) To collect and understand the lessons from the past. 2) To grow in your own personal self-awareness and who you are. 3) Better define that influence that you offer people. If you skip a transition, you miss the incredible things you need for the next chapter in your development. Transitions are the glue, almost like the in-between moments in a book chapter from one chapter to the next.

There are some things that you want to do or can do, but you’ve got to focus on what you need to do.

You get to the next chapter with what you need if you navigate the transition well. Here is what I tell people. If you get to a transition, get all you can out of your transition. Quit fighting this transition and instead do those three things I said and get all you can out of a transition because they come to an end. Here is the problem. You have what you have. If you spent the time investing in getting all you can and understand, “What is going on? What are my lessons from the past? What is this thing about my influence?” If you work on those things in a transition, you will have the tool you need to move into the future.

One way I describe it is like a backpack. You cannot take everything into the next chapter. It is unloading the things that you do not need, putting the new things that you do need, and then scaling the mountain for the next chapter they had. The transitions are one of the most powerful tools in shaping that ongoing lifelong formation process we are talking about when we use the word leadership development.

Let’s bring this home personally. When I called you and I reached out to you because I felt I was stuck or I knew that I was going through a valley. It might be what someone might call a transition. I knew that I could not go back. I need to move forward, but I am not getting everything I need to unlock this new level. I came to you going, “Terry, what is going on?” Here is what it feels like in a transition. I felt confused, discouraged, uncertain, self-doubting, and God-doubting. If I could define it all in one sentence, I might ask the question this way, “What the hell is going on? What the hell is this?”

In other words, you have those things and they persist over time. Where I got you is where I get most people. They have tried everything they can to solve it. It makes it worse. It intensifies the transition. It does not solve the transition. I get people early stage in a transition, but they are already well into it. Some of your readers are well into a transition right now going, “I do not know what to try next, what to do next, and how to sort this out.” What I am telling them is, “You could be at the greatest moment of your development, even though it feels like you are in a cloud of uncertainty and do not know which way forward. Every characteristic you define is part of a transition and it is ongoing in an individual’s life.”

Let me plant some hope here because you might be where I was going through a transition. You are like, “You guys are telling me this transition is a hell hole. What am I supposed to do?” Number one, know and understand that on the other side of the transition is a new level. It is like getting through the storm and getting to the other side to new clear blue skies, sunshine, and a new height on the mountain. You got through the storm, you got to the top, and you are now getting an entirely different view of the world and your life below. The first thing I would like to plant hope for anyone reading this is there is gold on the other side of the transition.

Coaches are for people who want to cut it, who want to break through, and who want to move forward.

The second thing that I took away from this whole process was I am not meant to walk through a transition alone. There is a methodical way to go through this. I am not meant to do this in isolation. One of the best things that I did was I found someone like you, Terry, that could help put language and make sense to all this. All of a sudden, I am like, “Now I understand what’s happening. I am in a transition.” Terry, let’s get everything out of this because at least I can define what this is. Before, it seemed like an absolute mess.

The greatest hope for your people is this thing has a name. It is called a transition. It has a journey. There is a way to get through it. It is trying to take you to the next level of your influence. There has some hope, but you do not get clarity alone. Coaching sometimes can be seen as something for people who are not cutting it. What I tell people is coaches are for people who want to cut it, breakthrough and move forward. If you have somebody walking alongside you and you know this thing has a name, you will get all you can and you will take new things in the future that will take you to new levels of leadership and influence. It is possible.

If you are reading this, I hope you get this because it is life-changing. I am saying that because everything we are talking about and understanding what Terry has given me has been life-changing for my leadership journey. I absolutely love it. Terry, I want to thank you publicly and all the thousands of people that are reading this. Thank you for developing the skill that you have to be able to walk leaders like us through this journey. I love your calling and thank you for the impact you had on my life because where I started with you and where I am now are night and day. Now I have the joy and the excitement on the other side. I want to thank you for that. If somebody is going, “I am reading this and I feel like I am in tears because this is the first time I have gotten hope around this. Everything you are saying is resonating with me. How do I get ahold of Terry? Does Terry coach people through this process?” Yes, he does. As I mentioned, he is my coach. I am still coaching with him, even though I am out of transition because I am keeping this guy around for a while because it is continually good. How do people find you?

www.LeaderBreakthru.com is our website. You can also find me up on Amazon if you want the book, Stuck! to first take a look at it to see if it has got any credence. It describes a transition. It gives you a pathway through a transition. It describes those three major stages that we talked about, and it could lay some groundwork for you if that would help you to at least see. It is also in both written and Kindle form.

Let’s wrap up real quickly. I want to ask one last question. This is dealing with current circumstances right now. What is the one thing you would tell leaders for us to sink our teeth in going through the current environment that we all have to lead through? There is fear, uncertainty and confusion. What is the one nugget you would give us?

Quit leaning away from and trying to cope and lean into these circumstances. They are stuck at this moment and that can be used to take you to the next level. Quit resisting our moment. Get all you can. It’s almost like a transition out of that moment. I want you to think about this. This all happened on our watch. There is some kind of purpose for why we are here and why this is happening. The leader understands the game change of the future.

Terry, thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it. Thank you for that last nugget of leaning in. As always, if you want to know more about advertising on the radio, which we still have students coming in, it is effective. It is working as a reminder. You can always go schedule a call at WholesalingInc.com/REIRadio to learn more about radio. This is an episode you need to take and share right now. If you know someone that could use this, it is one thing for us to talk about strategy. It is another to talk about a philosophy that could speak to somebody that is hurting.

If you know someone that could use this, pass this message on. As always, if you want to see this, if you want to see Terry or if you want to see me, you can definitely go to YouTube, watch it and subscribe to my channel at Chris Arnold – Real Estate because it is always cool to be able to see the faces. Thank you guys so much. Thank you, Terry. We will talk to you later.

 

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About Chris Arnold

451Chris Arnold is a 15-year Real Estate veteran who has closed over 2500 single-family real estate transactions in the DFW metroplex. Chris is the founder of multiple companies that are managed by a US virtual team, which allows Chris to run his organizations while living in Tulum, Mexico full time. His passion for leaders has led to the creation of Multipliers brotherhood which serves the top 5% of real estate entrepreneurs out of the US. Most recently Chris has launched his REI Radio coaching program. This program is designed to teach real estate investors the marketing stream that everyone knows about but NO ONE is doing!

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